I just dropped bobbypins on the floor...woops. They were in my camera case that I just pulled out to show you guys pictures. No, I haven't fallen off the face of the earth, but it does look like my apartment did and I had to salvage the pieces for a place to live (AKA it's a little messy right now). In the past week, our group has either hosted or attended a total of 17 parties. That was in 5 1/2 days, to be exact. So, that's why the posting has been slim. Or non-existent. But here's some pictures to make up for it. A couple parties,and just having fun. By the way, if you're ever at a party for Japanese high school kids, and only boys show up, and there's a lull in the conversation, just tell the "Pete and Repeat" joke (where they both go down to the lake to swim and Pete falls in...who's left?" I've never gotten such a reaction after "Repeat"ing it 6 times!
Marshwiggle Musings
candid wanderings of my feet and mind
March 27, 2006
March 17, 2006
On the up-swing... Well, I think I'm running a record here for most posts in a week. Today was better. I still don't know about Kyoto and such (although I think I'm going to confront Kawaai sensei later and tell her that I am, in fact, willing to stay home from Kyoto...more on that later). But, today at school was better. I was at Segawa today, which is sometimes a struggle, because I spend two days there, two days at Funehiki, and then switch again for one day at Segawa before the weekend. I sometimes feel disconnected on Fridays (well, and on every other day, too, but Fridays in particular = ) But, today I actually made new connections. There is a boy in my 2 nen sei (8th grade) class named Ryo that I have a real heart for. He hardly knows any English, and I think that it's easy to take his lack of participation in class as a show of disrespect. I see it as a front. He's aloof on the surface, but he's actually a pretty sensetive fella. His face absolutely illuminates when you compliment him, and he gets this goofy smile when he gets an answer right. Well, today after lunch I had the opportunity to talk with him a bit. The conversation didn't get much past "What's your favorite color?" but sometimes I don't think that matters. What matters is that he trusts me. He doesn't have to show scads of appreciation for me, I just want him to know that I love him for who he is. Not for how well he does in English class. I think today was a step in the right direction. So, directly after this "conversation," I heard a classical piece that I recognized coming from the music room, one door over. I ran in (just at the end of lunch break) to see who was playing, thinking it was a student. What I found when I bound through the door was that it was a teacher. The music teacher, to be exact, who is part-time like me, so I only ever see her on Fridays. I must admit, I thought she was a bit stand-offish, because she's never really tried to talk to me (if that shows you just a bit of how selfish and judgemental I can be at my chore...God's working on it...), but when I showed interest in what she was playing, an immediate connection sparked. It turned out it was Beethoven (not Mozart, as I had guessed), and we immediately embarked on a discussion of such things, sharing an insatiable interest in "hongaku" (music). And we continued talking, even after lunch break was over. When the bell rang, instead of rushing off to whatever she thought should be next on her agenda (as almost every other Japanese person I've ever met has done), she actually went over to the door and shut it, so that we could have more privacy to talk. Yikes! So we talked on an on...for an entire hour! We talked about our lives, our experiences in college, how long we've played piano, and other random topics. It was great. But the best part about it was.....it was almost entirely in Japanese. I couldn't believe it. Though I didn't understand every word (not even close), we maintained a decent conversation, in Japanese, for over an hour. Amazing. Just amazing. It was so nice to be reminded that, no, I'm not stupid just because I can't speak the language fluently, and what a wonderful break of my stereotype to find that this woman was willing to not only spend time with me, but take time for me. Blessings seem to come here where and when you least expect them.
March 16, 2006
Chotto update: Did my circumstances change? No. I still feel like a skumbag. But we had Bible study tonight, and I am reminded of the invaluable blessing I have in my team here. The girls here are like none I've ever met before. Some days (recently more often than not), they are my sole reason for wanting to go on. But they are a reason. They are a blessing. Some wonderful words of truth: Romans 8:28-39-And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose...If God is for us, who can be against us? He who did not spare his own Son, but gave him up or us all - how will he not also, along with him, graciously give us all things? Who will bring any charge against those whom God has chosen? It is God who justifies. Who is he that condemns? Christ Jesus, who died - more than that, who was raised to life - is at the right hand of God and is also interceding or us. who shall separate us rom the love of Christ? Shall trouble or hardship or persecution or famine or nakedness or danger or sword? As it is written, "For your sake we face death all day long; we are considered as sheep to be slaughtered." No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord." 2 Corinthians 4:7-9-But we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not from us. We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed.
So...I just had probably the tensest moment I've ever experienced in my life, and to be completely honest, I'm probably the most depressed I've ever been in my life. I don't want to be here. Period. Here's the deal: I've had neck issues for the past 6 months possibly, but not for certain, stemming from an injury that occurred in Ohio while riding a roller coaster. I thought it was a skeletal problem, but after getting more than a few adjustments with no improvement (specifically in December), I felt around on the right side and realized their was a very large lump under my right ear. So, I started taking some antibiotics that I had left over from other infections, and prayed that it would go away. It didn't. So, I talked to the family (our hosts). I asked for a doctor's appointment, thinking it was a swollen lymph node. So, we set one up, miraculously on a day I had off, and went to the doctor in Funehiki. By the way, this is the same doctor that told my friend Nate last year, after giving him nearly a dozen tests including X-rays and an endoscopy, that there was nothing wrong with his stomach. He was in so much pain he couldn't walk. This doctor gave him gas pills and sent him home, assuring him there was nothing wrong. Shortly after, Nate went back to America, because the pain had reached emergency level. It turned out he had 2 hiedal hernias. Yeah, buddy, "nothing's wrong," eh? Well, I went to this same doctor. Surprise of surprises, he also told me, "nothing's wrong," after feeling around my neck for a while like I had cooties. I don't think he even located the lump. He just said, "no mumps (mooomps), no lymph, you have no illness." Aaah, yes, those are the only two things that could have possibly been wrong with me. I see. And since you couldn't find the lump at all, yes, I'm sooo inclined to trust you. So. I waited a few more weeks and the pain increased, this time causing occasional migraines. So, I contacted my doctor at home, a friend of the family. He perscribed a Z pack. By some miracle, I was able to get it, and took the antibiotics just as perscribed, without the family's knowledge. Ignorance is bliss. But, the pills didn't work. I still have a lump, bonish-feeling thing under my right ear, my neck is still in chronic pain, and I still get serious headaches on occasion. So I tried my doctor at home again. I even talked to him directly this time. He finds it very difficult to believe that I can't just have a physician here check out my symptoms. To be honest, so do I. So, he asked if I could get some tests run. I gently told him that the doctor in Funehiki is "less than trustworthy" (which he also couldn't understand), so I told him I'd try to get another doctor in Koriyama. Second oppionions are common practice, right? Well, apparently, not in Japan. It's unheard of. Doctor's word is gospel. Nonetheless, I had my friend Nate (same guy with stomach issues) talk to the family on my behalf (indirectness is best). So, they said going to Koriyama would be ok. So, I just waited for the tests from my doctor, through my mom. Well, there was a little unplanned disaster in Mansfield this week, specifically a flood in our new basement (currently being built), which caused a few days' delay on getting the tests. No problem, right? Wrong. Kawaai sensei apprently thought it was so urgent (even though I've had pain for 6 months) that she should talk to our boss (without my knowledge) and that he should go to Koriyama to talk to a doctor about me (again, without my knowledge). He doesn't even really know what's wrong with me. So, I went in today to try to print out the tests I told her were coming, but my email account doesn't like Japanese computers, and I had to try 3 different computers today (throughout the day) to get the thing to print. She was not happy with me. She was upset. I hadn't given her the tests. The thing is, she never told me she wanted them. She never told me she needed them. She never told me that my boss was going to talk to a doctor without my knowledge! But, it all worked out, right? Wrong again. The final thing she didn't tell me, or didn't ask me, rather, was whether I had plans on Spring break or not. I have been looking forward to Spring break for months. Adriane and I have planned a trip to Kyoto, the cultural heart of Japan, possibly my only chance to see it while I'm here. We've booked a hotel, figured out when our buses will leave, worked it out to meet friends in Tokyo on the way home, I've even talked to teachers and students at my school about good places to visit. I was pumped. We were leaving the 29th and coming back on April 4th. Not quite a week, but enough to get a breath of fresh air. Ha! So, guess what? My boss scheduled a doctor's appointment for me on MARCH 30th! This was all completely without my knowledge. They never even asked me if I was leaving. For all they knew, I could have been going back to America for break. So, anyway, when I told Kawaai sensei that I would be out of town that day, she looked at me like, "So? What are you saying? Of course you'll change your plans." The thing is, though, that I didn't offer to. Not this time. You could have cut the tension in the air with a knife. Why they can't change the appointment, I don't know. So, my boss walks in later. And, like an older sibling tattling on a younger one, Kawaai sensei brought me over to him and explained that, "Holly will be out of town on the 30th." (she did this in English so I could understand her. None of the other parts of the conversation were in English). She was staring at me the whole time like, "Now, what do you have to say for yourself? You're so ungrateful." I know my face was beat red the whole time. I just stared at the floor, focusing all my concentration on not bursting into tears. Eventually, Encho sensei (my boss) offered to go to the doctor in my stead on the 30th. He said it would be good to "have the tests into the doctor first" (I'm sure he was just saying that so that there was a reason behind it all....an indirect way of communicating that is common here). It all sounds like nothing, I know, but after being here for over 6 months, I'm no longer clueless about the Japanese indicrect way of communicating. Or the nonverbals. She was ticked off, no question, and she wanted me to feel shamed. Well I did. And I want to go home.
March 14, 2006
And the quote of the day is: "I can't quit eating!" (me after eating one of Tomoko sensei's oishii meals) "Just smell yourself, that would make me quit eating!" Adriane, after smashing cake (with slightly soured whipped cream for frosting) onto and into my hair.
March 13, 2006
And speaking of fish eggs...why does it feel like for every step forward I take here that I take 3 or 4 backwards? The more love I pour out, the more I see how I'm not accepted, not needed, even a nuisance sometimes. I am very happy for my teammates, and delight in their messages and words of encouragement from their students. Sometimes it's difficult not to compare, though. Like students at Funi-chu asking the ALT to "Please write me a message in English...a long one!" or other students writing scads of letters and goodbye wishes. I received zero requests for yearbook signing. 1 letter (by the way, the rest of the teachers at the school, every one, got a book full of them, made in one of the classes.)If we're truly honest here, Segawa doesn't really need me. I hardly do anything except my human tape recorder routine. Not to downplay my team here (I love them all very much, and don't know how I'd get along without them), but they're the only ones who ever seem blessed by, or even remotely affected by anything I do. Some days I just want to throw in the towel. Especially with the possibility of my favorite teacher leaving next year. Why did God call me to a school, or should I say country even? where all my worst fears and deepest insecurities are constantly brought to the surface?
Choking down squid and burping up fish eggs... After today I have a new understanding of Philippians 4:13 - I can do all things through Christ, who gives me strength. So today was graduation for the ninth graders. I was a bit concerned about today, considering events like this always make me feel especially out of place. I'm not quite a "teacher", and I'm definitely not a "student," so during events like this when roles are really defined, I have not much of a place and feel very isolated. So I was nervous. But though my nerves were tense over the ceremony, nothing, I repeat, NOTHING could have prepared me for lunch. I was told about a month ago that we would have a "special lunch" for graduation and was asked (yes, it's my fault, I had an out) if I wanted to participate in this lunch with all the other teachers. Well, like I said, I often feel out of place, so I usually jump at any opportunity to be "part of the group." Bad mistake. Lunch arrived around 12:45, in very largish-looking covered bowls. I knew it would be sushi, but I was told it was a special sushi (usually this means, you know, more delicious, so...I don't know, I guess I was expecting a miracle). Well, apparently "special" just meant "truck load of". When I took the lid off of the bowl that was set before me, ever so kindly, by a fellow teacher, this is what I found: two pieces of squid (by the way, everything I mention here excepting eggs and rice was, in fact, RAW). Anyway, as I was saying: 2 pieces of squid, one mushy, one rubbery, 2 pieces of undercooked shrimp, a slab of fishy-tasting, sweet egg log, two pieces of tuna sashimi (raw tuna), a couple other slabs of raw fish that I would have rather avioded, the hottests wasabi sauce you can imagine, hot mustard, a bed of rice mixed with vinegar (which, by the way, I really don't like), and my personal favorite: three kinds of fish eggs (again RAW): white ones mushed together in a crunchy lump, tiny red ones that had the consistency of poppyseed, and ones the size of tiny grapes, which burst in your mouth when you bit on them, spilling salty hmmm, well, we'll just say "yucky stuff" all over your tongue before you grind up the partially developed baby fish inside. Yummy. Suffice it to say, there was A LOT of praying through this meal. I felt sooo victorious when I shoved the last bit of raw tuna slab and rice into my mouth and successfully swallowed them without gagging. It was truly a miracle. The only problem was, I kept burping up fish eggs all afternoon...
March 11, 2006
So...if you've been reading my posts for more than a month, it's possible you've read about the terrible wind that visits Japan around this time of year. As I've said before, I am a light sleeper and the torrential gusts have been the bane of my existence (or at least my slumber) for the past two or so months. Part of this was due to the laundry pole that used to hang outside my floor-to-ceiling window over my balcony. When gusts would come, the pole would scoot back and forth on it's mounts, causing the whole wall to sound like it was caving in. Fortunately, I discovered the source of the racket about a month ago, and removed the pole (by simply lifting it) from its holders. Well, though that solved most of the problem, it did not eradicate it. With really strong winds (those above about 50mph), though the pole was no longer in place, the mounts themselves would actually blow from side to side, causing the wall to sound, this time, like it was "passing wind" (and I'm not talking about spring breezes). After searching out the source of the "farting wall" (as it is now called here), I realized that the screws holding the mounts were corroded, and thus, the mount was loose. Unable to fix it, though, and not terribly often bothered by it, seeing as the wind does come and go, I left it be. Until Wednesday. Tammy and I were sent home early from Funi-chu, so we spent the afternoon watching Evita in my apartment. By the end of the movie, since I had forgotten my caffeine that afternoon (not having been at school), I had a screaming headache. Though the winds have been rather calm lately, Wednesday they were as bad as ever, and with every gust, the horrible noise from the pole mounts grated harder and harder on my nerves. Finally I couldn't take it anymore and jokingly told Tammy that I was just going to tear the things (heavy metal contraptions, screwed to the wall by 1-inch diameter screws) off my wall. Since the screws wouldn't budge when I tried to loosen them, I wondered if the mounts would stay to one side or the other if I pushed or pulled them over. So I tried it. It seemed to be working, and anticipating success, I gave Tammy a commentary as I pushed. "I think I got it! If I just push it in toward the middle it seems to not move around as much. Just a little more, since the screw rrr is rrrr being rrrrrrrrr stubrrrrrrrnnnnnn........woops." Long moment of silence. "Tammy?....uuuuuuh....." At this point I abandoned what I was doing and walked slowly, giggling, back into my apartment...holding in my hands the foot-long mount from my wall. Woops. I guess it's not supposed to bend.
So...if you've been reading my posts for more than a month, it's possible you've read about the terrible wind that visits Japan around this time of year. As I've said before, I am a light sleeper and the torrential gusts have been the bane of my existence (or at least my slumber) for the past two or so months. Part of this was due to the laundry pole that used to hang outside my floor-to-ceiling window over my balcony. When gusts would come, the pole would scoot back and forth on it's mounts, causing the whole wall to sound like it was caving in. Fortunately, I discovered the source of the racket about a month ago, and removed the pole (by simply lifting it) from its holders. Well, though that solved most of the problem, it did not eradicate it. With really strong winds (those above about 50mph), though the pole was no longer in place, the mounts themselves would actually blow from side to side, causing the wall to sound, this time, like it was "passing wind" (and I'm not talking about spring breezes). After searching out the source of the "farting wall" (as it is now called here), I realized that the screws holding the mounts were corroded, and thus, the mount was loose. Unable to fix it, though, and not terribly often bothered by it, seeing as the wind does come and go, I left it be. Until Wednesday. Tammy and I were sent home early from Funi-chu, so we spent the afternoon watching Evita in my apartment. By the end of the movie, since I had forgotten my caffeine that afternoon (not having been at school), I had a screaming headache. Though the winds have been rather calm lately, Wednesday they were as bad as ever, and with every gust, the horrible noise from the pole mounts grated harder and harder on my nerves. Finally I couldn't take it anymore and jokingly told Tammy that I was just going to tear the things (heavy metal contraptions, screwed to the wall by 1-inch diameter screws) off my wall. Since the screws wouldn't budge when I tried to loosen them, I wondered if the mounts would stay to one side or the other if I pushed or pulled them over. So I tried it. It seemed to be working, and anticipating success, I gave Tammy a commentary as I pushed. "I think I got it! If I just push it in toward the middle it seems to not move around as much. Just a little more, since the screw rrr is rrrr being rrrrrrrrr stubrrrrrrrnnnnnn........woops." Long moment of silence. "Tammy?....uuuuuuh....." At this point I abandoned what I was doing and walked slowly, giggling, back into my apartment...holding in my hands the foot-long mount from my wall. Woops. I guess it's not supposed to bend
March 05, 2006
Caution: What follows is a long story. Read on if you like. I won't be offended if you don't. = ) Can I just say I am soooo thankful February is over? I never do so well during this time of year, and I thought it was just in the States, but apparently it applies anywhere in the world (at least anywhere with a cold winter). I'm glad whoever made our calendar way back when decided to make the second month a little shorter. The word "March" is just filled with so much more hope than the word "February." I believe in some extreme cases, "February" could even be considered vulgar enough to be used as a curse word... But. March is here, which means we can celebrate the end of winter. Which is exactly what 8 of us girls, Tomoko sensei (Mr. Maki's wife), and Kono sensei (a very attractive male teacher at Wakakusa) did last (not this, this weekend was relaxingly uneventful). A few weeks ago, Encho sensei (Mr. Maki) made the announcement, "Winter is ending, so to celebrate, we will all go to Hawaii." So, last Sunday, to "Hawaii" we went - a water park in Iwaki, a sea-side town about an hour from Funehiki. *Side note: I find it odd and a bit ironic that I've lived on an island for almost 6 months and still haven't seen the ocean... Anyway, back to Hawaii. We all gathered at 7:40 AM (ok, so it was more like 7:43, which stressed Tomoko sensei out more than can be expressed in words), and made our way there - only to arrive early and have to wait in line outside, next to an annoying speaker playing an incessant theme song over and over. Once we got inside, though, any irritation the song caused melted away, for we beheld a scene very much, in fact, like Hawaii. The air was about 85 degrees, there were palm trees everywhere, and water could be heard swirling and falling from surrounding waterslides and pools. I was so happy I almost started to cry. Ok, so not really, but it was really nice. After walking around quite confused for a little while (I forgot to mention that neither of our two leaders, Tomoko or Kono sensei, speak very much English) we eventually figured out that we were supposed to follow one of the women bustling about and looking very much like they fit into the Hawaiian scenery, uniformed in screamingly loud orange flowered dresses. She led us through a labyrinth of stairs and hallways until we reached our very own room in the traditional style of Japan. The floors were covered with greenish-tan tatami (grass) mats, which required us to remove our shoes – so that the toes faced away from the door – before we entered. We entered and exited through a sliding door that was made of a wooden tic-tac-toe patter holding pains of opaque glass. The only piece of furniture in this particular room was a traditional table – about 1 ½ feet above the ground, with 8 silk embroidered cushions arranged around it to sit or kneel on. At first this type of room would make me tense just at the sight of it (especially knowing that I’d probably have to sit in “seiza” style (on your knees) for hours at a time), but after many experiences with these rooms in the last few months, they’ve come to look and feel somewhat normal. We didn’t end up spending enough time in the room to even worry about seiza-style sitting, though. We changed as fast as we could and headed straight for the water. The joy of splashing about in a body of water still hasn’t lost its luster for me, and I’m not sure it ever will. Lis and I spent the morning making fun of each other’s butterfly strokes until we abandoned that activity for the more “adult” one – the onsen. This is my second experience with an onsen – a traditional, outdoor, hot spring public bath that is now, in modern times, separated by gender. Kate had told us the onsen here was stunningly beautiful, so we were eager to experience it for ourselves. Unfortunately, this park was HUGE, and we most definitely wandered about for ½ hour unsuccessfully attempting (and walking through places we probably shouldn’t have in the process) to discover this legendary “bath.” Eventually we saw some Old Navy flip flops in a shoe rack outside a locker room, and were relived upon entering to find Kate, who showed us where we wanted to go. Let me tell you, the search was worth it. My English skills are rapidly deteriorating (as has been pointed out by more than one friend or family member recently), but I will do my best to describe, as the sign on the wall said, how we, “Had a good aesthetics.” Lis and I entered the onsen area through an all dark wood hallway, lit by tiny lights from the ceiling. We passed through a doorway, screened by hundreds of deep red silk chords, and on the other side were directed to our right (the women’s side) and kindly instructed to remove our shoes by a smiling, hospitable woman in deep-colored kimono. We placed our shoes on a floor-to-ceiling shelf, and headed through another screed doorway, down another hall. This hall, too, had wood on both walls, floor, and ceiling. Along these walls, however, were reminders of Japan’s rich culture and history. On the left wall were two large paintings with scenes of an olden-day public bath in right blues, creams, yellows, and spurts of red. Along the right wall were garments worn in the past by rice farmers, lining the wall, one after another. Each outfit consisted of a simple deep blue robe, with a slightly cone-shaped straw hat gracefully draped overtop. As we sauntered down the hallway in our bare feet, a koto (traditional Japanese stringed instrument laid on the ground and played while kneeling) could be heard faintly from somewhere overhead, making me feel as if we were traveling back in time – allowed a momentary glimpse into the ancient culture and history that modern-day Japan is rooted in. At the end of the hallway was a wooden sliding door, and, upon pushing it open, we stepped out into the frigid February air. Along the right side, where we walked, was a long wooden “deck” of sorts, covered by a slanted wooden awning connected to the building we’d just stepped from. Along the wall were (again, wooden) lockers to store clothes and anything else “unclean” that shouldn’t enter the pure spring water. We entered the onsen by stepping (cautiously) down 5 or 6 stone stairs. The water is pumped from natural hot springs under the earth (and therefore is very hot) into the onsen, in this case, a very large, stone-bottom bath, winding in, around, and through trees, rocks, flowers, and even an old-fashioned wooden boat. Since it was a chilly day, heavy steam rose form the water, and combined with the gray skies, the ambiance was melancholy, serene, even a slightly mystic. The air smelled of fresh-cut wood, and the cool rocks and sprinkles that soon began to all offered a perfect balance to the intense heat of the water. It was enchanting. And our muscles spoke their thanks as they soaked in the soothing, steamy pool. As wonderful as it was, and as much as it heals away achy muscles, there’s only so much heat one can take, so after ½ hour, Lis began to get curious, and wandered around, opening and peeking in doors that to me looked off-limits. I begged her to stop, mortified that our American mindset had followed us into such a richly Japanese experience. In the end I benefited from it, though. She discovered a natural sauna. The sauna, too, was made entirely of wood, and was steamed by the water from the natural spring. In the center of the room, on top of the steam source, sat a short, wide basket, lined with a linen cloth, and filled with what appeared to be woodchips. My theory was that they were sugar maple chips, because the thick air smelled sweet and I couldn’t shake the feeling that I was back in the sap house at my grandparents’ farm. That building no longer produces the sweet, sticky treasure of the trees, but I’ll never forget the scent of the steam as it rose from the boiling sap. The sauna smelled just the same. The rest of the day was filled with other “good aesthetics,” too – a Hawaiian dance show, a buffet of Japanese junk food, more time splashing in the pool. But, as close as some sections of the park resembled our country’s island state, I was thankful, soaking in the hot spring water and later inhaling lungfuls of sweet steam, to be fully in Japan.








