And speaking of fish eggs...why does it feel like for every step forward I take here that I take 3 or 4 backwards? The more love I pour out, the more I see how I'm not accepted, not needed, even a nuisance sometimes. I am very happy for my teammates, and delight in their messages and words of encouragement from their students. Sometimes it's difficult not to compare, though. Like students at Funi-chu asking the ALT to "Please write me a message in English...a long one!" or other students writing scads of letters and goodbye wishes. I received zero requests for yearbook signing. 1 letter (by the way, the rest of the teachers at the school, every one, got a book full of them, made in one of the classes.)If we're truly honest here, Segawa doesn't really need me. I hardly do anything except my human tape recorder routine. Not to downplay my team here (I love them all very much, and don't know how I'd get along without them), but they're the only ones who ever seem blessed by, or even remotely affected by anything I do. Some days I just want to throw in the towel. Especially with the possibility of my favorite teacher leaving next year. Why did God call me to a school, or should I say country even? where all my worst fears and deepest insecurities are constantly brought to the surface?