Day #107 Wonder of the day: My absolutely, positively AMAZING time with Hiromi this morning/afternoon. I have missed this girl a lot while she was in the states for 4 months. It's amazing how we come from such different places and can be going through such similar things mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. I truly value her friendship, and I'm so thankful that God allowed us to meet each other when he did. She's been a great encouragement, challenger, and...well...let's just be honest....shopping buddy ; ). Thanks, 'Romi! Thanks, God.

Living in Two Worlds Ok, can I just be frank for a few minutes here? Living in between two worlds just plain SUCKS sometimes. I have found myself, at various points throughout the day today, INTENSELY desiring to be home (in my parents' new house, which is actually a new thing for me...) and also INTENSELY desiring to never leave this place (particularly when, during lunch break, my new 7th grade girls spent quality time giggling with me and actually trying to CONNECT with me). It sucks. It just seems like whenever I finally start to get really connected with a place, actually start to engage with people in friendships, I LEAVE. I've been called a "gypsie heart" or a "wild heart" before (I think the term I'd use for myself would be "nomad"), but sometimes I just get so tired of it. I am so grateful for all of the experiences I've had, and God has used them to mold and shape me in ways that I'm not sure I could have been molded and shaped if I had stayed in the same place. But sometimes I just want to have a person beside me that can say, "remember when we did this and that together?" and have it be more than 2 years ago. Granted, I do have friends that have been there longer than two years, but they are few, and they're not in my life right now. I will probably never be able to look at somebody and have them understand where I'm coming from. Ever. That sucks. I just want to belong. I belong in this team. It's the first real feeling of belonging that I've had since, probably, junior high, and how much do you EVER really feel like you belong in junior high? Roamer. Will I ever be able to have real roots? I look at some of the cherry trees here, and they're so old and established, their roots travel far beyond the reaches of the branches. In fact, one that I may see tonight is like 1,200 years old. So established. Amazing. Will I ever be a tree, or just a potted plant that gets transported here and there? And how much do I REALLY desire to be planted? I don't know. It's a scary thing, but I think I want it. I don't know. Whatever God wants. He is my dwelling place. He goes with me wherever. I just sometimes wish there was somebody else who did, too. Wonder of the day (#108): God is our dwelling place. And amazing 7th grade girls who can absolutely fill my need for love and acceptance simply by sorting through my stickers.

So...two more bits of wonder: Day 110 and 109: Watching my 7th graders learn the sounds of the letters. Pure fun. Pure exhaustion, too. I taught 6 classes today, playing the class jester in all of them. Whew. Bed time : ).

In Light of Tragedy I was greatly saddened this morning when I went to check my email and the news of what happened in Virginia was what flashed across my screen. I won't try to describe what I think people might be going through right now. I have no idea, except that it must be horrible. Having gone to Hiroshima and visited the peace memorial there, tragedy is something that I've been reflecting on recently, and talking/praying about with my friend Tammy. I was telling her about this CD by Steve Green that I feel reflects the light of God amidst horrid tragedies, and just happened to pull it out this past weekend. Rather than try to paraphrase, here are a few lyrics that I feel speak hope in a way that captures pain and sorrow, while still acknowledging God's love and grace--maybe somewhat similar to the book of Job. He questioned God over and over and God's only answer to Job was to meet him where he was. I don't claim to understand it. I don't try to force it on anyone who may be questioning, grieving, hurting, I just pray that the God of hope might us in our darkest hour. Just meet us. Sorrow Mixed with Light How beautiful and frail Are all the days we share How fragile is this breath of life Like mist on the field Will vanish in the wind All we’ve come to know Fades before our eyes And what tomorrow brings Who of us can say Beyond this sorrow mixed with light For somewhere in between The beauty and the tears This is where we live our lives My eyes look to You, You’re the hope of my days My eyes look to You as I cry out Your name And I wait for all things to be remade Not every earthly tear That falls is wiped away For some are like refining fire That turn my heart to You, my one desire In Brokenness You Shine When life becomes a shattered dream That’s slipping through my trembling hands I need to know that You are near To know You see each falling tear When there is no one else who understands When I can’t find the words to speak You hear the pain in each heart beat Before I even call to You In my deepest hour of need That’s when You come and pour Your mercy on me Your beauty shines Your love surrounds Where cries of brokenness are found bring hope alive Help me believe And trust You one more time In brokenness You shine In brokenness You shine Let comfort be a living thing A river flowing from my grief Where thirsty souls can drink their fill And find You their heart’s release And through my sorrow show Your freedom and hope How could I know when others said A word or two then walked away That You, the Man of Sorrows Would come near to stay You’ll always stay I want to see Your beauty one more time In brokenness you shine In brokenness you shine When the Morning Comes Here, in this fallen world there’s pain Tears and sorrow come to all the same Wounds of every kind Difficult the times and bitter the taste And yet in my barren hour Send down heaven’s shower The mystery of joy When the morning comes I will see you smile When the morning comes Though my tears may last a while You raise me up To wait for the hope of the dawn When the morning comes In my distress You call to me To come and hold Your hand when I can’t see That even in my loss The comfort of Your cross brings hope to me And the darkness of the night Magnifies the light The mystery of joy When the winds of trouble blow I run to hide in You So thank You for the storms that keep faith alive I will see you smile When the morning comes though my tears may last a while You raise me up To wait for the hope of the dawn And bathe in the warmth of the sun When the morning comes Wonder—Day #111: The mystery of joy

Day #112: The mist that covers the mountain top, making it seem enchanted, dangerous, serene, and mysteriously inviting.

5-piece Wonder Nuggets and a Scavenger Hunt Day #117’s Wonder (Yes, I’m starting to count down, but don’t worry, not to wish it away, but rather for the opposite reason): The people I work with at Segawa Jr. High. They’re actually starting to see my sense of humor, which is amazing, because I think I’ve hidden it for so long (it’s slightly “not Japanese J). Day #116’s Wonder: The people I work with at Funehiki Jr. High School. Specifically Mr. Onishi. He is such a stinking ham!!! Subtle sarcasm drips from almost every word that escapes from his mouth, and 99% of Japanese people don’t even GET sarcasm. I love it! Day #115’s Wonder: An email I got late last night from my aunt and uncle that’s still having an impact on me. I think I physically felt a burden lift off of me as I was reading it. It was a different version of I Corinthians 13, written in more modern language and slightly interpreted. I needed to “hear” it. Bad. Day #114: The feel of warm, fine, mushy sand under your feet. The ocean in general. The smell of salty air. The delicate beauty of a shell. I could go on...I love the beach, can you tell? Day #113: The fact that the God who CREATED light, spoke it into existence, even, also says "Let there be light" to our hearts. How incredibly amazing! God's light can shine in our hearts. Wow. And…I got this really random analogy in my head yesterday about my life. I said before that I feel like some people get a map of their lives, and I get bread crumbs. That’s probably a bit extreme, but I think there may be some truth to it. It seems that some people know where they’re headed—a goal, if you will. For example, going to med school to be a doctor. Becoming a counselor. Getting out of debt to become a missionary. Many people stay on this path and have the goal as a guide to keep them in line with what they believe God is calling them to. They may not know how the path will play out, but they can see where they’re headed. Like, for example, Frodo in Lord of the Rings. He knows he needs to get to Mordor to destroy the ring, but he has no idea what will lie in his way. But he has a mission. I, on the other hand, seem to be a bit different. I think for me it’s more like a scavenger hunt—if that’s the correct term. The kind of thing where you’re told you’re going on a journey, you don’t know where you’re going, but you have this clue to get to the next “station.” At that next station, you get another clue, and maybe a tool to be used along the way, or maybe even at your “goal,” but you may have no idea what the tool is going to be used for, or even what it is. But you pick up the clue and the tool at the 1st station, which leads you to the 2nd station and another clue, another tool, etc. This, my friends, is my life. Sounds a lot more purposeful than bread crumbs. God keeps giving me clues, moving me forward, providing me tools, and I keep trying to figure out what the “end” will be. I have no idea what the “end” will be. I analyze the tools, analyze the clues to try to see what the heck he’s doing with all this, but it usually only results in anxiety and worry that I’m “not going to get it.” I really need to take one clue at a time, gather the tools, and trust that I will know what they’re for and how to use them when the time comes. So…life is not a highway, at least for me. It’s a scavenger hunt. And by the way…I may have found another clue….I really want to teach. Why not get my teaching degree? I keep trying to skip this step and combine it with a master’s degree, but maybe I need the teaching degree to open doors?....Interesting. We’ll see where this clue leads….