Baby Steps

I know it's been written about countless times before, but if you've ever witnessed the process of a baby learning how to walk, I guess you'd understand why.  It's one of the most encouraging experiences, in my personal opinion.  Sophia is just to the age where she can't quite walk on her own, but she has an insatiable desire and ruthless courage to try.  Every day she screams until I come behind her with my two index fingers at her eye level so she can grasp on with all her might and use them as her "training wheels."  It was only a few weeks ago that she made her first few steps independent of outside support, and since then she's had spurts of bravery where she'll take 6-8 steps on her own.

Now, I must say, the most encouraging part of this whole process is not necessarily the skill she's picking up - I mean, really, walking is quite a common thing amongst homo sapiens, but the fact that she's overcoming personal obstacles in the process and learning how to do something that, for her, is really quite difficult.  Possibly even more impressive is the fact that these walking experiments do not come without fault and failure.  In fact, almost every time she tries, she falls.  I've not witnessed her falling flat on her face, but it's definitely possible (and likely) that she could, but she at least lands on her bum about fifty percent of the time she attempts to reach a new destination by foot.  However, despite her failures, she never stops trying.  This, to me, is really quite astounding.  She never sits on her puffy butt (she still wears a diaper, obviously) and says to the world (metaphorically, she can't talk yet either...) "Forget this stupid walking thing.  I keep messing up.  It hurts.  I'm going to stick with crawling."

Man, I want to learn that kind of perseverance.  Especially in the area of loving people.  Let's just be honest: relationships hurt.  It doesn't matter what kind of relationship it is; people will always let you down.  IT's pretty much the one thing you can count on with all of them.  But, just like learning how to walk, it's always worth it to keep loving and to open your heart up to new people.  Does this mean that we should be injudicious about with whom we share what?  No. (Sophia is learning this lesson about the top half of her body going faster than her feet...) But in the midst of our mistakes, we learn.  We have to be willing to fall and fail to have meaningful relationships.  Not every one will work out as we hope or plan, but that's no reason to give up.  Just think if we were to do that when we were learning how to walk...we'd have a lot of bruised (and frost-bitten, this time of year) knees roaming the world.  And jumping would be kinda hard, too...  No, we must keep going.  Keep being willing to fall.  And eventually, if not in all circumstances, the rewards of our investment in others will come (even though they may not be tangible at first, or even at all).  As I watch Sophia, I'm more and more convinced it is our calling to keep loving, keep risking, keep learning.  Today she walked halfway across the living room...

6 months in For some reason, lately I've been thinking quite a bit on how my transition back has gone/ is going. And after thinking on it for a little while, or maybe it's because somebody may have asked me the other day, I realized, to my surprise, that I have been back in the U.S. for nearly 6 months. Twice the dates have passed when I would have returned to Japan after a break, and I can honestly say, after half a year, I feel somewhat like I belong. Not that I have regained a sense of "home," really, but maybe just strengthened my ability to make home wherever I lay my head (which has been in 3 different beds just this week, for example, and about 3 different beds the week before...) My parents' new house isn't really "home" to me, but it's definitely a place I welcome at the end of a long day, and I'm enjoying staying there, not only because of their company, but, let's face it, they did a good job designing the thing. I definitely use my mom's jacuzzi bathtub more than she does! I think the real reasons that I feel more at peace here, however, have been more related to what I've been doing outside of the house. As most of you know, I've been working as a nanny for a family from my church with two kids. Sophia will turn one on Sunday, and P.J. three in March. Both of them are a joy to be around (most of the time ; ) in their own ways. Sophia is just learning to walk (in fact, she walked her most consecutive steps, 5, to me this morning), and her 4-toothed grin makes me giggle every time it lights up her face. I love her antics and curiosity, and, I especially love cuddling her : ). P.J. is quite a character. He has the softest heart and most inquisitive mind of almost any child I know, but it's definitely offset by a feisty personality. He always wants to know "why," and comes up with all kinds of (ingenious and absolutely ridiculous) solutions for any predicament we may face throughout the day. Probably what I enjoy the most about him is the fresh perspective he gives me of my Heavenly Father with his child-hearted faith. He says things like, "God loves it when we have fun," and I find myself often sitting back and thinking, "Yeah, P.J. you got it right, and I have so much to learn from you." We have our off-days together, too, but they are few and far between. Most days I look forward to being with the kids, even if it does mean changing a lot of diapers and reading a lot of nap-time stories : ). I also get a lot of enjoyment out of my second job, being a tutor at Sylvan learning center. I have been working there about two evenings a week, but will probably go down to one when I start school in a month (more on that later). I mostly work with beginning readers, which has its own set of joys and challenges. I love seeing the tangible progress that my students have made since I started there, and I love their contagious smiles and sassy personalities. (seriously, some of my girls are such stinkers!). They're always making me laugh or want to rip my hair out, but usually the former. : ) I usually work with about 2 students an hour, which can be difficult when you're working with beginning readers, but I enjoy the challenge, it keeps me on my toes. I also think it's good training for me to "juggle kids" if I ever become a "real" teacher, because I'm not so good at splitting my brain in two, I do much better focusing on one thing at a time - not possible when you're running a whole classroom. So I'm excited for what I'm learning there and the connections I'm making with kids. It's neat to see the difference you're making in a child's life, even if it's only in one little area. Speaking of investing in "kids," I'm also working with the youth group, especially the girls, at my church. I felt called, when I came home, to get involved in the lives of the girls, but a couple months ago I found out that my youth pastor was leaving, and now I'm loosely helping out one of my guys friends with leading the group at large, too. I have been SO challenged to work with them. There are so many wise young women that I have so much to learn from. Sometimes I feel very inadequate to act as their leader, but I feel very strongly that it's something God wants me to do right now, so I try to offer what I can. Their energy is a blast to be around - I sort-of miss it in my age group these days, not to mention in my parents! (when you work 50+ hours a week, you tend to get drained). I'm excited to see where God takes us as a group. Another group I sort-of found myself involved with is just a few friends who have decided to try to meet together to study the book of James. This has been such an answer to pray for me in SO many ways. I have really been craving fellowship and community from people my age in the last few months, and quite randomly I feel that God begun the process of answering my prayers. A lot of it has been through my wonderful friends Katie and Charlie Vidorek, who got married right before I left for Japan (yes, "The Wedding," for those of you who know what I'm talking about ; ). I'm also really excited to see where God takes this group and this study. It's incredibly refreshing to see others my age who are not only hungry for the word and a stronger relationship with the Lord, but for real, meaningful community. Yes!!! And, last but not least, in the next month I plan to....drum roll, please....start school. Yes, I finally bit the bullet and applied for a master's program in secondary English education (integrated language arts, if you want to be technical) at Mt. Vernon University, although I will be attending a Mansfield branch only about 10 minutes from my parents' house. I haven't really felt much emotion about this yet, I just decided to finally pursue something that I think I like and will pay me enough to move out of my parents' house someday : ). But, I think once I start I'll end up liking it and becoming more passionate about teaching. I will be attending classes one night a week, and I will go through the program for two years with the same group of people (which I am really excited about for the sake of community and support). I think I'll have time to work on homework during my nanny job, which is wonderful, so I hope the crammed-full schedule I keep these days won't overwhelm me once school is added. We'll see. I'm not worried about it, but am prepared to make changes if I need to. One day at a time. And so you have my life here in good old Mansfield, Ohio. Six months in I find myself thinking to myself, "I think I'm happy here." Hopefully I won't get so content that it makes moving on difficult at the end of my school program, but I think I have enough itch to move out from the roof of my folks that it won't be a problem. Plus, I'm sustaining my travel bug with random trips here and there (about which I may write more, depending on if I find the time...?), so I'm just biding my time until I can leave the country for a spell again. It will come when it comes, and until then I'll just "follow my feet." They've led me some interesting places so far, and I think that, surprisingly, and albeit differently, this leg of the journey may turn out to be just as adventurous as the ones I've spent across the sea.

The "Takai Hana" Strikes Again I thought it was only in Japan that students would comment on my "tall nose." Granted, I got similar remarks in elementary school...not quite so mild and innocent, mind you, but since then I believe it was only in Japan that anyone has commented on the size and shape of my nose. Until tonight. In the middle of trying to teach her how to clap out the syllables in a word, Kiarra, the sassy, unabashed spitfire that she is, looked straight at me and asked, "Why is your nose so pointy?" Not knowing how to reply, I simply responded, "Why is yours so NOT pointy?" That got her smiling and off the topic, but sheesh. Some kids are just stinkin' bold. I only wish it was a compliment here like it was in Japan! : )